Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
further reviews and thoughts
Well, the reviews have reached 6 now and it is mostly positive.
Review 5
I probably should have waited until I got this one assigned because barring a couple of minor punctuation nits I thought it was hilarious. I smiled through most of it, well, except through the eww-factor when the green gooper exploded, but when I came to kakapoop birds, that did it. A belly buster. I had to actually say it out loud to get it though. I still remember when my daughter was a baby and we did the kaka—poo—poo thing. Good stuff there.”
Review 6
Liked this one a lot - it was light-hearted, funny, deliciously silly and full of energy. I didn't expect it to be a short story, don't know why - perhaps the beginning felt a bit like it was the beginning of a longer piece - the detail about Greta, also having a lot of dialogue both made me expect that I wouldn't see the end of the story by the end of the extract (though maybe I haven't...)
I thoroughly enjoyed it and I reckon it's definitely one of the most fun excerpts I've read on here! Oh and the ending was fab! made me laugh out loud. Thanks a lot for the read
***************
Coming up to Christmas now and that time of year where I plan to do a lot of writing because of some theoretical free time that I imagine will fall to me throughout the period. I normally wake up in January, say 'whassat?', spit feathers out of my mouth, shower and then return to work.
Not this year! (I'm laughing at myself even as I make that ridiculous commit.)
This year will be different! (Slapping my thigh and having trouble catching my breath, I am laughing so much.)
This year I will write every night. (Sure you will)
I will you know. (Yeah sure.)
Review 5
I probably should have waited until I got this one assigned because barring a couple of minor punctuation nits I thought it was hilarious. I smiled through most of it, well, except through the eww-factor when the green gooper exploded, but when I came to kakapoop birds, that did it. A belly buster. I had to actually say it out loud to get it though. I still remember when my daughter was a baby and we did the kaka—poo—poo thing. Good stuff there.”
Review 6
Liked this one a lot - it was light-hearted, funny, deliciously silly and full of energy. I didn't expect it to be a short story, don't know why - perhaps the beginning felt a bit like it was the beginning of a longer piece - the detail about Greta, also having a lot of dialogue both made me expect that I wouldn't see the end of the story by the end of the extract (though maybe I haven't...)
I thoroughly enjoyed it and I reckon it's definitely one of the most fun excerpts I've read on here! Oh and the ending was fab! made me laugh out loud. Thanks a lot for the read
***************
Coming up to Christmas now and that time of year where I plan to do a lot of writing because of some theoretical free time that I imagine will fall to me throughout the period. I normally wake up in January, say 'whassat?', spit feathers out of my mouth, shower and then return to work.
Not this year! (I'm laughing at myself even as I make that ridiculous commit.)
This year will be different! (Slapping my thigh and having trouble catching my breath, I am laughing so much.)
This year I will write every night. (Sure you will)
I will you know. (Yeah sure.)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Fourth Review and four stars
"I thought this was quite a jolly little children’s story. The pitch and language seemed just about right for your target audience, though I did find the first page a little confusing. Perhaps you just need to establish the setting a little bit more because it was not overly clear to me where they were.
There are some good lines. I particularly liked:
Granddad had taught him very well in the art of launching…hadn’t done very much yet in the art of landing but he would worry about that later.
Though, I didn’t like the line where he (Robert) tells her to belt up. I think your average 7 year old might find that a bit obvious (and unfunny). I could be wrong.
I liked the way you closed this out. That Granddad, he’s a card, isn’t he?
Good luck with this.
Mike"
As this was my fourth review I got to see a general rating of my MS. It was 4 stars out of 5. Is that good? I don't know. To stand a chance of consideration for the Youwriteon.com top ten and win a review from a publisher I need 4 more reviews and they are certainly not coming thick and fast so it may take several weeks before I learn whether I'll be in with a chance.
It is budget day today. I wonder if the IMF has an Arts Department?
There are some good lines. I particularly liked:
Granddad had taught him very well in the art of launching…hadn’t done very much yet in the art of landing but he would worry about that later.
Though, I didn’t like the line where he (Robert) tells her to belt up. I think your average 7 year old might find that a bit obvious (and unfunny). I could be wrong.
I liked the way you closed this out. That Granddad, he’s a card, isn’t he?
Good luck with this.
Mike"
As this was my fourth review I got to see a general rating of my MS. It was 4 stars out of 5. Is that good? I don't know. To stand a chance of consideration for the Youwriteon.com top ten and win a review from a publisher I need 4 more reviews and they are certainly not coming thick and fast so it may take several weeks before I learn whether I'll be in with a chance.
It is budget day today. I wonder if the IMF has an Arts Department?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
My third review - 3 o'clock and all's well
"I really enjoyed reading this, Mark, even though I am the "wrong" side of 70! I have grandchildren in the age-group you are writing for and I think they would love it, especially the boys.
Yes, you hit exactly the right note for your target readership and this is not as easy as one may think. I have read an awful lot of YWO chapters (and I do mean awful!) ostensibly meant for children, which are hopelessly wide of the mark. I think you have just the right combination of excitement and humour here.
Just two teeny-weeny nitpicks: I'd be inclined not to use kakapoop and galoop in the same sentence - could you change one of them just a bit? And do you really need to repeat "like a cat on fire" when they shoot out into space? But, these are really tiny points in an excellent story"
So far my story has been reviewed by 3 people and it seems to be surviving the experience. Not one person has said - 'you are a gimp, Lloyd, a gimp of the highest order.' or 'Your words grate on my consciousness like nail on a blackboard' or, worse still 'well, it was OK, I suppose.'
I need 8 reviews to get a chance at cracking the top 10 and if I manage that I will get a review from a publisher or the janitor at a publishing house - depending on how much moolah the site owners are actually coughing up.
*****
Voice is an interesting topic. I want to go to a workshop that focuses entirely on voice. I worry that my voice isn't authentic. I tend to try to write something in a particular style and it is only occasionally that I manage to write in a way that is readily identifiable as my own voice. When I'm writing I have to avoid reading as the style and ideas of what I am reading will leach into my script.
Hmm...any voice coaches out there?
By the way, if you are reading this it would be rude not to say hello.
Yes, you hit exactly the right note for your target readership and this is not as easy as one may think. I have read an awful lot of YWO chapters (and I do mean awful!) ostensibly meant for children, which are hopelessly wide of the mark. I think you have just the right combination of excitement and humour here.
Just two teeny-weeny nitpicks: I'd be inclined not to use kakapoop and galoop in the same sentence - could you change one of them just a bit? And do you really need to repeat "like a cat on fire" when they shoot out into space? But, these are really tiny points in an excellent story"
So far my story has been reviewed by 3 people and it seems to be surviving the experience. Not one person has said - 'you are a gimp, Lloyd, a gimp of the highest order.' or 'Your words grate on my consciousness like nail on a blackboard' or, worse still 'well, it was OK, I suppose.'
I need 8 reviews to get a chance at cracking the top 10 and if I manage that I will get a review from a publisher or the janitor at a publishing house - depending on how much moolah the site owners are actually coughing up.
*****
Voice is an interesting topic. I want to go to a workshop that focuses entirely on voice. I worry that my voice isn't authentic. I tend to try to write something in a particular style and it is only occasionally that I manage to write in a way that is readily identifiable as my own voice. When I'm writing I have to avoid reading as the style and ideas of what I am reading will leach into my script.
Hmm...any voice coaches out there?
By the way, if you are reading this it would be rude not to say hello.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
My second review - an ethical question...
Enfin! My second review from www.youwriteon.com has been posted!
"think I must be starting in my second childhood because I enjoyed reading this. These children seem alive, and show concern for their granddad. The story flows very well; this gives the urgency of their mission.
The whole story is well thought out and told in a simple way, so even an old earthbound codger like me could understand it. That is always important, but especially today when so many young people prefer gadgetry to reading. In my opinion you have got it right.
There is one small point that I would like to make about this writing, and it is because it is aimed at children as young as seven. Nowadays we can't pick up very many modern novels without filthy language being in the text. There is none in this I am glad to say, but I will draw your attention to page 13, line 23. Granddad has been asked about the yellow button and he answers, "It runs like hell."
My question is, 'Is the word hell suitable for young children who should be being taught not to use this word and others like it in this kind of context?' I don't think it is, but you are the one to decide.
I wish you well with the story."
"think I must be starting in my second childhood because I enjoyed reading this. These children seem alive, and show concern for their granddad. The story flows very well; this gives the urgency of their mission.
The whole story is well thought out and told in a simple way, so even an old earthbound codger like me could understand it. That is always important, but especially today when so many young people prefer gadgetry to reading. In my opinion you have got it right.
There is one small point that I would like to make about this writing, and it is because it is aimed at children as young as seven. Nowadays we can't pick up very many modern novels without filthy language being in the text. There is none in this I am glad to say, but I will draw your attention to page 13, line 23. Granddad has been asked about the yellow button and he answers, "It runs like hell."
My question is, 'Is the word hell suitable for young children who should be being taught not to use this word and others like it in this kind of context?' I don't think it is, but you are the one to decide.
I wish you well with the story."
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